Monday, December 10, 2012

SYFY says the Mayans wrote the Twelve days of Christmas

I fell asleep on the couch  when I got home day before yesterday and woke up at about 9PM, I wasn't sleepy anymore, which should be of no surprise to anyone, not even me.  The house was dark, but the TV was on and tuned to a favorite channel, SYFY. 
"The Twelve Disasters of Christmas"...um, yup, that's what was on; this sounded at the very least diverting.

You see, we have all been wrong about the Mayan doomsday prophecy's, we had the date right but the story wrong.
The Mayan religious hierarchy was a very well educated group, and they knew that the only way to save the world from certain doom in 2012 was to bury five golden rings in a place somewhere in western North America, which was called Calvary, they created a compass to lead the chosen one to the location of the five golden rings which would be the key to saving the planet from extinction this time. They then constructed a wooden book to hold this wondrous object and explanatory illustrations. After this they compose the song we now know as the "Twelve Days of Christmas, total debunks the idea that it was written about a wealthy, but I suspect daft suitor, gifts to a bewildered{again I'm guessing} maiden on the days between Christmas and Twelfth tide {Jan 6}.  Now then, having done all of this, the wise elders sent, someone with one of the rings and the book to Europe  about a Millennium ago to inter mingle and create a fair maiden who would save the world in 2012.  And that ends the interesting and cleverly thought out part,this information is revealed during the course of the movie, however since you may feel the need to go for snacks, or something, I thought I would explain it , sorta. 


Now on to the present, where I was in the kitchen getting a snack.
It is 12/21/2012, and it is Jaycee's birthday, her grandmother gives her and lovely ancient golden ring...I go into the kitchen again and when I come back her Grandmother is dead, but her Grandfather is explaining things, people have been hit by giant balls of ice and and the town is surrounded by a giant bubble which if you drive thought it both you and your car will explode...yeah gotta get some special effects going, anyways, Jaycee's Mom, Mary, and her brother who's name I can't remember are out looking for the dog, who ran off before all of this started, personally i think the dog is smarter than most of the townspeople and is not going anywhere near that bubble thing.  Meanwhile Grandfather, Jaycee and her Dad, Joseph, are driving around, narrowly missing the special effects and finding more rings. For some reason I missed while I was picking up the Cheetos  dropped while I was laughing, they all decided to go back to the town hall, where what I think was killer Aquafina, which froze everything, including Jaycees Grandpa...even though she managed to save her dad, Joseph.  There was a lot of confusion, yelling and looking at the images of the alleged Twelve day of Mayan Christmas in the wooden book,  two rather dim hot heads decided that the one page, which they showed alot, and for a good reason, but I won't tell you what,meant the Jaycee had to be sacrificed.  But she and her Dad, Joseph took off again, while the they were looking for another ring in an old mine. Anyway, poor Joseph gets left in the collapsing mine and dim guy drives off with Jaycee.  While this is going on dim guy two is tying up Mary and her son, while the exploding Christmas decorations are try to kill him, and fortunately for the story they succeed, and Mary and her son escape.  OK, so I was out of snacks, and when I get back the dim hot head one is dead, and there are special effects everywhere. Joseph has returned, the final ring has been found,and the reason they show that picture so much is revealed.  Happy ending, and the family is reunited and the very smart dog comes back.

This was masterful SyFy you are to be congratulated.

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